Redclaw's Truth (Eclipse)

[Eclipse]

"Redclaw! Please let me explain!" Eclipse cried softly, despair bright and bold across her face. If wolves could have, she would have been crying then, tears flooding down her face in a great surge of pain and desperation. How could she explain this? She had tried, and down terribly! How could she tell Redclaw that she had loved him so much, and that she hadn't been lieing... Wait. He said their relationship had been based on a lie. No it hadn't, she had never lied. If he had ever asked her if she had been mated before, she would have replied to him as truthfully as she could. But he never asked, and so over the years she had buried her past deeper and deeper, hoping that by building a new life upon it, she would forget, and it would be her past no longer. How could she explain this? Especially when he wouldn't listen!

She turned to Tharin, her gaze hard. "If you want to see them, they are now three years old. You are kind of late on the whole being a good parent thing, but then I guess so am I." Her gaze lowered with shame and guilt. She hadn't felt good about leaving them, but then she'd done her best! She had raised them until they couldn't stand her, and she them. They reminded her of the one she wanted to forget forever, and she kept them immobile. Eventually they left. They snuck out in the night, disappearing. She hadn't searched for them, because she knew who's heart they had gained. They were wanderers, and would hate her if she found them and kept them close. They never came back to see her, and she never looked to find them, especially after she found Redclaw and they had their pups, who were not wanderers, and who she could look at without disgust in her heart, shame in her head, and pain in her soul, like shards of a mirror falling through her body in sharp points of memory. She had finally forgotten. Or so she thought...

Tharin watched the brute leave, an uncaring expression on his face. This was Eclipse's mess after all. He had learned his own lesson for the most part, and hadn't found a new mate in the last three years. He had spent the time with his old mate, keeping his distance with her, only traveling with here because they both held the same purpose, to find their daughter who had been captured. They hadn't found Nienna, and Liote still hated him. They had barely gotten along enough to travel together! But for their daughter, they would do anything. He didn't want to be the cause of yet another cub of his being murdered...

And on that subject, how dare Eclipse shun him for abandoning his family, and then she go and leave his pups out in the middle of the New Forest?! "What were they?" He asked curiously, hiding the anger that boiled within himself. "A female and a male. Norolla, a silver wolf, and Serpent, a brown brute." Came her response, through clenched teeth and guilty eyes.

He nodded, and barely reined in his anger. He wanted to strike her, to yell at her for the pain she had, was, causing him. But he controlled himself, and after a few more shared words, he turned, and left, just as quickly as he had come. He went in the direction of the prairie, where she had last seen their pups. He chuckled to himself as he left their woods, a cold unfeeling sound, for he knew Eclipse would now go through the pain of explaining, and probably of losing, what she had done and why. She would feel the wrath of an angry and hurting loved one, the anger that hurt worse then any physical blow could.

After the brute left, Eclipse collapsed against the wall, near the den entrance. She had no strength nor will to move, and so she was enveloped in the scent of her old mate's unfeelingness, and her new mate's hurting pain. They both struck her heart like nothing else could, and she felt it, hard. How could she fix this? And Tharin had brought memories as well. Memories of the moment that female stepped through the trees, a war cry echoing within the clearing, and then she had pinned Tharin down and he had stayed silent with shock, just staring at her. And when she had spoken to him, his eyes held pain, and love. He had still loved her, even though he wasn't her mate anymore! There was the difference between Tharin and Eclipse! He had still loved Liote, and she didn't love Tharin anymore. She loved Redclaw.

But even this insight didn't help. It actually made the pain worse, because Redclaw wouldn't care. If she was lucky he would hold a grudge and start a fight. If she was unlucky, he would be like she had with Tharin, and would leave, running into the bushes around them, before she even had a chance to explain...

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[Redclaws]

Redclaw sat in the corner of the cave, barely taking in what was being said. She lied to me! She really did! I know I said something about her being my first mate, and she replied in turn! What's wrong? Am I that stupid? She SAVED me. Why would she do something like this on purpose? Was it really happening? He shut his eyes tightly and reopened them. yup... Same boring existence. Honestly, why did he even bother? He'd be better off back with his murderous revolting pack that Eclipse saved him from in the first place. Why did he have to escape? His life would've been less painful without her in it. Sure, they had some great moments and memories together, but did it really make up for it? He walked over to her and put his head on her shoulder, letting her know that they'd get through this. "So..." He muttered through half teared eyes. "I wasn't your first mate, huh?" He started crying again, and he buried his face into her fur. It was a terrible existence. Not having anyone to run to but the one who betrayed him in the first place. He decided to get off her, difficult as it was, and wait for her to say something that gave him comfort.

[Eclipse]

Eclipse heard him walking over, and her gut clenched. She needed to find a way to make this alright. She'd been mad at him, and they had gotten through. Now he was mad at her, but they would get through again. Wouldn't they? They had to, or she would die. She wouldn't want to exist. It had hurt to leave Tharin, but then she had gotten over him, cared for the pups, sent them on her way. And fallen in love, all over again. But this time to someone responsible, who hadn't lied to her, who didn't hide things. Who had trusted her.

She felt surprise loosen her gut as he buried his face in her shoulder fur, and started crying. Even when she hurt him, he came to her for comfort. Did she deserve this? She doubted it, but since whatever higher being had granted her it anyways, she would do her best to make it better for him. To be deserving of his trust and love.

"Literally? No," She admitted softly. "But in the real sense of the word, to have love and caring and trust between a brute and a fae, then yes, you were. Me and him, we were together in the old forest. The place where love has little meaning, and our relationship was for sex and someone to talk to when the sun has set." She almost winced as she remembered Tharin saying those exact words to her, describing what his and Liote's relationship had been. It seemed fitting to use them now. A sense of the circle coming together, and trying to fall into the rut of it's previous path. But she would not let it. This circle would come out, become a line, straight with no curves or corners or questions. Going no where but forward. Never again would she repeat this process, which she had already done twice now, once as the offended, and now as the offender. "Then the truth about him came out, and it was too much for me to forgive. So I turned tail and ran as fast as any pregnant wolfess can. I ran faster then that. I found a den, and was as good a mother as I could be, when the pups little faces brought back such terrible memories. They hated me." She said softly, tears choking her. "Then the left me. They ran away in the night, and never came back to see me. I never went to find them either." She admitted, guilt threatening to choke her. "Then everything was made better. I saved a kind wolf from his torturous past, made a friend, then a love. I fell in love. With Tharin the love and lust came first. We were never friends first. That is the difference. I am sorry, and I love you. I understand if you never forgive me, and if you never want to see me again." She said, voice so soft it almost wasn't there. Saying those last words was like stabbing a knife through her, missing the heart but causing agony. Not deadly in itself, but so painful that it might cause death through an escape from pain.

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[Redclaws]

Redclaw sat a few feet away, staring at the ground. "So what makes you think I should do anything different? Why should I stay, when even your own pups didn't." He turned and looked her in the eyes. "WHY ECLIPSE? WHY? YOU TELL ME ONE GOOD REASON I SHOULDN'T LEAVE THIS DAMN CAVE RIGHT NOW! TELL ME!" He towered over her, making her cower under his presence. After all he'd done for her, after all he'd cared for her, after all the things he'd said, how could this happen? He started to walk out. In a calm and controlled voice, he said "Stop me Eclipse. If I'm really that worth it to you, stop me." He continued walking.

[Eclipse]

"Because I love you, and I think you love, or at least, loved, me. I don't deserve you, you are too good to be true. And yes, even my pups left me." She cringed from his raised voice, tears flowing down her face, making wet trails through her dark fur. Her silver eyes were glistening with sorrow and hurting love, but love never-the-less.

When he turned and left, she stood and followed him, tail tucked between her legs and head lowered, eyes desperate. "I deserve you to leave, but I'll still fight you. When I left Tharin, he just sat there and stared into a stupid hole in the ground, where he was going to bury the coyote his stupid ex-mate had killed. He didn't follow me, he didn't even try talking to me. I would never leave you like that, or let you leave me like that. I love you, and I always will. I'll love you and our pups until the day I die." Silently she added that that day may be sooner then later if he left her stranded here like this. "Redclaw, please please don't leave me." She whimpered, pushing herself in front of him.

[Redclaws]

Redclaw's eyes once again filled with tears. "Eclipse, how can I spend my life with someone who lied to me about our pups being her first? I wanted us to have something special. "Our" first relationship. "Our" first pups. "Our" first..." He closed his eyes and couldn't hold back the tears as he remembered the first time they had mated. At that time, he felt they were one complete being, but how could that have been possible when part of that being was with Tharin? "You're right Eclipse. You don't deserve me staying. In fact, you don't deserve anything at all." Her eyes looked even more hurt than before. She expected forgiveness? Poor little pup, he thought sarcastically. "Do whatever the fu-- you want, I'm going." Without another word, he turned away from her and left her as a pitiful sobbing mess.

[Eclipse]

Eclipse felt each word he spoke as a harsh blow to her soul, spirit, mind, body, being. It hurt worse then any other pain. Hurt worse then being raised to be a sex toy for males, being trained by her own abusive father. Worse then her mother being a slut, who cared about nothing but the noises Eclipse heard every night from their den, and from the forest when her father wasn't paying attention to her, sneaking off to play the naughty role of a slut, with her many affairs and mates, but she always killed her pups, except for those that were her actual mates. He never showed that he knew.

Worse then when Tharin took her virginity, and then his daughter's mysterious appearance brought him to tell her of his dark secret. Worse still, then even the next few moments of that day, when his ex-mate appeared, and his promise that all secrets were out of the bag was broken within minutes of being made, as he told her the heart breaking, angering story of how he had abandoned his first mate in her time of need, leaving his pups to be drowned, except for one, who was later kidnapped. His mate forever shunned, and he himself running happy as ever along the shores and beaches of the Forest, oblivious to the pain he had wrought her.

Worse then when she decided to not help his ex-mate, and to leave him and all memories of him behind, even with the weight of forming pups within her. Worse then having to see them every morning and evening, and knowing she could never truly love them, for the memories they brought back constantly. Even worse then waking up to find them gone, having run away in the night, and never saw them again.

Worse then the pain she had felt over Redclaw's torturing past, terrible pack, and how she had almost left him as well the year previous for a secret he had forgotten. This pain was the worst agony she had ever felt. And when he took off, leaving her behind in the dust, in front of their cave where they had raised their pups together, and mated, and felt love for each other and their small family for so long, the pain peaked. She collapsed, and tilted her muzzle to the sky, a sound so heart-breaking it seemed as though the heavens themselves were crying. The cry echoed among the trees for hours, until she could cry and howl no more, for lack of breath, voice, will, spirit. He was gone, and she didn't feel that she could survive without him.

Finally, the pain so great she felt as though on fire as she was hurled over a cliff and through a field of cacti and sharp rocks, then tortured on the bottom, she dragged herself to her paws, and lifelessly wandered, seeking a way to rid herself of this pain. If nothing but death would numb it, then that was the option she would take. This pain was too much for her to bare, and she wasn't thinking straight at the moment, because of the fog it caused to fall over her senses.

[Redclaws]

Redclaw dashed through the forest, heading straight towards the old Forest of Lust, wanting to just find a female and screw her. Screw her all night. Long and hard until the sun came up. It was the only way he could think of to get rid of all the stress he was experiencing. He then stopped to think about something. Wouldn't doing that just make him as bad as Eclipse was? He shook his head. No. This was not the time to think straight. He was letting instinct take over, because he had no clue what else to do. He ran. Ran ran ran until he reached the edge of the forest and stopped. Jaw dropped open. The forest of Lust was gone! Where it was now just lay a pile of burnt sticks and a sign saying:

DO NOT ENTER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!
-Proboards staff

Redclaw nudged the sign with his nose, and then tried going through anyways. An invisible force field hit him and he went flying backwards. He tried again. Same result. He tried once more, same result once more. He then heard the most disgusting and heart wrenching sound he'd ever heard. Eclipse howling in agony.

He'd heard wolves howl out of sadness before, but this was terrible. Her howl wasn't just sadness, it was pain, anger, grief, hopelessness, and depression all packed into one solitary noise. The noise of his mate screaming in agony over his loss. Oh what was he doing?! He loved her to death! No matter what! He turned and pelted back to their cave. So what if she'd lied about her pups and mate? She was still the spicy, spunky, funny, passionate, and goshdarn sexy wolf he loved more than anything, and nothing, not even Tharin, was going to separate them. He loved her.

He arrived at the cave and barked a hello in the form of "Eclipse! I've changed my mind! I'm sorry for getting mad!" But she wasn't there. The cave was empty. Redclaw thought hard, and then he felt his blood run cold as he saw images of his mate getting herself beaten to death by another wolf, drowning herself, or falling off a cliff. He bolted out of the cave, frantically trying to find her scent. He found it! He followed it, shouting her name the whole way. He hoped he wasn't too late.

[Eclipse]

OOC: Lol nice sign xD

Eclipse was going through time glitches. She would temporarily space out, and when she came to, she had no idea where she was. The agony was that bad. After a particularly long span of emptiness, she found herself near the tall waterfall and the cliff that it sprang off of. The water would soften her fall, but to the side of it lay a path of solid stones, the only interruptions in its smoothness being the varying sizes and shapes of the spikes and spines that rose out of it, sharp and dangerous. From this height, pain relief would be certain.

Now that she had found a cure, the time space outs stopped. It wanted her to succeed in this, so to do so, it must allow her to concentrate. At least concentration temporarily blocked out the pain. She edged out onto the side, and followed a small path that went behind the waterfall, to the sharp drop off where the rock strip lay. The path was slim, and where it passed the water, the surface had eroded into a smooth, slick, wet strip of rock. Frustration filled her. If she slipped here, she would fall into the shallow, safe water beneath her. Nothing would be fixed. She must get past this patch!

She made it to this section with no issues, but then she felt herself go dizzy as the path became as wide as two mouse-tails. She started moving across it, pressed to the wall, taking her time. She couldn't fall here...

"Eclipse! Where are you?!" The cry came from above her, from the top of the ledge. She was hallucinating. Redclaw hated her, he wouldn't care where she was now... "Eclipse!" This was not a dream. Or if it was, it felt realistic. Either way, it distracted her, and she slipped. With a cry of despair, she fell, plummeting towards the soft water below her. She wasn't that high up from the pond at the base of the fall, and hit it softly enough, the water flow immediately pushing her towards the shallow creek that the pond fed. The rushing water dunked her, but now instincts made her fight to stay afloat. She made it to the shore, and crumpled there, weeping silently. Her voice was gone, her eyes dried out beyond help, but still, the spasms shook her in dry wracking heaves.

[Redclaws]

OOC: I thought so

Redclaw saw her fall. "NO! ECLIPSE!!!!" Without thinking (One of his most preferred ways of doing things in life. He jumped down after her. He was about halfway down when he saw her on the shore. He tried to direct himself towards the deepest part of the basin, and with some difficulty made it close enough so that he didn't die. Using the strength given to him by his renewed love, he paddled over to her side of the shore and stumbled along the riverbed until he crashed right next to her. "Eclipse..." He gasped. " You know as well as I know that you did all those terrile things, and nothing can ever replace or fix it, and you have no right to keep me around." She looked even more heartbroken "Why'd you jump off a waterfall just to tell me that? Do me a favor and finish me off." Redclaw stopped her with a kiss. "You don't deserve to keep me around, so I'm going to keep you around. I love you with all my heart, and there's nothing you can ever, EVER do to replace or fix that. Eclipse, I love you with my entire being." He kissed her, and then flopped his head onto the rocky shore.